Bank of America, we realize you're new to banking, so let me help.

Welcome, Bank of America, to the business of banking.

We realize that you’re brand new to the field, so let me offer a little help.

When you present this message to your customer...

...what you actually mean is that their transfer request has been received.

Received by, you know, you.

It’s understandable that an inward-focused organization would see things from its own point of view rather than the customer’s point of view. But you see, when your customer count goes above 100, you’ll start getting lots of emails from people who thought you told them their transfer was... you know…. received.

The confusion about what was received by whom generates lots of fun conversations between your customer and the person who was supposed to get the money, right? Because naturally the two of them are not going to be on the same page, and your customer is going to send you an email about it. Lots of emails from lots of customers.

Then you’ll need to either disable email from customers (you’d never do that, would you? Oh, you did…?! Hm, bizarre...) or actually change the wording so that that message tells, like, you know, the, like… the truth.

But keep trying and maybe in another decade or two you’ll figure out this banking thing.

And if your user experience does start to make sense, who knows, you may be able to reopen your email channel because your customers won’t be so befuddled by your customer disposal system that your service reps don’t want to deal with them.

That is, if you haven’t been acquired by CryptoBank of Startupsville by then...